I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
wow bdsm is so cute
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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