he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
