i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
