I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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