Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
