Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
