can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
