At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
