There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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