and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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