cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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