I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
