his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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