I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
