I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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