I can text with my tongue
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
