a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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