I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
