That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
