i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
