Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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