When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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