For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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