It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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