Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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