wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He did a backflip because drugs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
