Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
