thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
