The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
