I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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