saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
