The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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