Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
