Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
