I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
