what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
