i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
