I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
