I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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