what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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