I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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