I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
