I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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