so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
