you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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