CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
