READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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