We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
