im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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