shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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