Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
