Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
