i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
