I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
