capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
