I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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