Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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