so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
