miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
