my vag is so smooth its legendary
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
