I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
