took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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