I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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