Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
